The Neuheisel Drinking Game

With permission from Mike "Wiz" Weygint at http://www.wizardweygint.com/misc/neuheisel.html

Rules of the Game

• Every time the TV cameras bring the Golden One into your living room, all viewers must take a healthy swig of beer, no less than 2.0 oz. per swig.
• The Jack Benny Rule: Whenever Neuheisel does his revered Jack Benny pose (the infamous palm-to-the-chin with the opposite arm supporting the elbow), one must consume six ounces of beer.
• Arms Around the QB Rule: Whenever His Goldenness wraps his arms around his quarterback's shoulders for consultation, one must consume four ounces of beer. This rule applies to quarterbacks only.
• In-The-Flesh Rule: Upon an in-the-flesh sighting of Neuheisel, one must immediately consume at least 24 oz. of beer, and offer the Golden One a golden one thereafter (see below for elaboration on the I.T.F. Rule.) If a player is caught imbibing less than the rules dictate, that player must consume twice the amount he/she was s'posed to. Note that there must be a consensus among the other players on said indiscretion. Network promos or commercials showing any picture or film of Neuheisel are not considered official Neuheisel sightings, therefore drinking upon viewing them is not required.

Tips on Playing the Neuheisel Drinking Game

• With his boyish good looks and charisma that could disarm even the nastiest of linebackers, the TV networks and their corporate brethren are none too shy about bringing Rick into your living room. As a matter of fact, the Wiz has yet to talk to a single NDG player who wasn't blown away by how many times the G.B. is flashed on the screen during the course of a game. So stock up on the suds cuz Rick's mug (and yours of the beer persuasion) will be comin' at ya early and often.
• Use a very large cooler to house your beer, and keep it easily accessible, preferably within an arm's reach of all players. Be careful not to place it in front of the TV. Given the frequency that the Golden One is caught on camera, trips to the refrigerator are a nuisance and should be avoided.
• Do not use microbrews when playing this game, unless you have an affinity for splitting headaches and an extra liver readily available for transplant. Budweiser is the official beer of WWCFM, and is the recommended beer to become one with during the Neuheisel Drinking Game.
• Drink bottled beer, or beer out of a mug. This will allow you to monitor whether your fellow players are drinking the amounts mandated in the rules above.
• Have a TV with the game on in the bathroom. Frequent trips to a TVless bathroom put a crimp in the rhythm of the game, and may cause you to miss a big play. More importantly, TVless urination may prevent you from seeing Neuheisel in his relatively rare Jack Benny pose, or his even rarer arms around the QB's shoulders stance.
• Even rookie beer drinkers know that the floodgates open after that first urination, so postpone urinating until at least 20 Neuheisel sightings have been recorded. Drain the bladder an hour prior to kickoff.
• Given that Neuheisel is shown so unbelievably often, it is important to keep close tabs on him during the game. Therefore, each quarter assign a different player to closely monitor any Neuheisel sightings. Or better yet, use a designated "Neuheisel Sighter" who isn't drinking, and assign that person the game-long task of monitoring Neuheisel sightings.
• Don't even think of driving a motorized vehicle during the course of the game, or within 8 hours thereafter. Halftime jaunts to your local beer store are strongly discouraged, so stock up on your beverages before the game.
• Plan on staying over night at the location in which you play "Neuheisel."

Origins & Development of the Neuheisel Drinking Game (NDG)

The Wizard and a couple of his cronies created the college football equivalent of the Bob Newhart beer drinking game back in 1995 during a Buff game when they noted the Golden One was on camera more than the players.

On January 9, 1999, the Golden Boy was named head coach at the University of Washington. His first big decision as Top Dog was to change the color of the team helmets from purple to gold, which just happens to be the hue of the malted beverage around which this game revolves, and the color of Rick's lovely locks.

Given that the Wiz and Neuheisel were suddenly sharing a city, the Wizard and the two other originators of the NDG immediately met in closed-door sessions to determine how many ounces must be consumed with an in-the-flesh sighting of his Goldenness. After laborious discussions, often deep into the night, it was determined that an in-the-flesh sighting of the Head Husky requires immediate consumption of 24 oz. of beer. Needless to say, one must employ proper beer-drinking etiquette and promptly offer Neuheisel a beer. And if lucky enough to see the Golden One playing guitar and singing in a watering hole, you will be responsible for keeping Rick beered throughout the evening and sharing a cab home.

Neuheisel Drinking Game Legal Disclaimer

WWCFM and OregonFan.com is not responsible for any illness, injury, ill-conceived wagers made during or subsequent to the play of Neuheisel, and/or damage, be it property damage or otherwise, and regardless of whether the property damaged is owned, controlled, or used by the Neuheisel player, which was caused by said Neuheisel player as a result of the consumption of alcohol or other intoxicants during the play of Neuheisel and which consumption effects, influences, or otherwise impacts the ability of said Neuheisel player to act in a reasonable and prudent fashion. The above is true regardless of whether or not the Jack Benny rule is invoked.

"Neuheisel player" means any person who consumes any alcohol or other intoxicant in accordance with the rules of Neuheisel as described above regardless of whether said person takes only one serving of alcohol or other intoxicant and/or regardless of whether said person actually attempts to complete the entire game.

WWCFM and OregonFan.com does not give its imprimatur to underage drinking. Consult your state law for the legal age of drinking in your state. Even though Neuheisel appears to be a dewy 17-year-old, he is an adult and can drink legally. You should know that in most states, the legal right to consume alcohol is based on age, not appearance, although one presenting as a tenderfoot should expect to be "carded."

A typical game of Neuheisel results in serious intoxication: Don't drink and drive.

Pregnant women should refrain from playing Neuheisel with alcoholic beverages. They would be excellent participants as "Neuheisel Sighters", halftime provisions replenisher and/or designated drivers.

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1998 NDG Notes

Due to the rigors of going from free to fee during the 1998 season, the Wizard did not play a full game of Neuheisel. The Wiz wanted to provide the best possible product to his many devoted subscribers, therefore reluctantly refrained from playing the Golden Boy game as he didn't want to soil his cerebral cortex with the headaches and irritability that often accompany it. Below are a few Neuheisel notes from the '98 season

Sept 5, 1998 Colorado-Colorado State: The Wizard must admit that he played only a half-assed Neuheisel Game and didn't kick into gear until the second half when he swears on his stack of handicapping publications, they had to have shown His Goldenness at least 50 times.

Because of flipping between the UW-ASU game and the CU-CSU game, an official final tabulation of "Neuheisels" is not available. But extrapolating from the times that the Wiz and pals were watching the game, the previous record of 70 "Neuheisels" was likely shattered.

Sept 26, 1998 Colorado-Baylor: The Wiz did not partake in "Neuheisel" during this game, but wishes he would have given it had all the excitement of watching the Heisman Trophy Award Show. No stats are available from the game, but based on casual observation, it seemed as though the Golden Boy was splashed upon the screen as much as usual (around 70 times.) Kudos to those of you who did play, especially if you implemented the "Jack Benny" rule.

1997 NDG Notes

Nov 28 Nebraska-Colorado: The Golden Boy's mug was brought to the TV viewer no less than 70 times, and maybe a few more (details reportedly got sketchy late). That converts to 170 oz. of beer, and for those who prefer the handy-dandy 12 oz. breakdown, 14.1 beers.

Due to unforeseen family obligations, the Wizard was unable to play "Neuheisel" and could only watch the first half of the game. Therefore, he had to rely on his faithful readers/Neuheisel players to promptly and accurately report the number of "Neuheisels." Thank you o' faithful lushes, and thank your lucky livers that the Golden One and his Buffs aren't in a bowl game.

1996 NDG Notes Holiday Bowl (Colorado vs Washington):

The cameras brought Neuheisel's cherubic face into your living room/sports bar a total of 64 times. That converts to 160 oz. of beer, or for those who prefer the handy 12 oz. breakdown, 13.3 beers. TAKE NOTE: This is not a game for the meek.

With permission from Mike "Wiz" Weygint at http://www.wizardweygint.com/misc/neuheisel.html

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